To be completely honest, I've never really given much care about the first two serious relationships I had because they weren't as traumatic as the last two. Let's get into my head shall we?
Now, I've been with A for like what? Around 5 years? And I fell out of love after the 2-3 year mark and because of that, it took a serious toll on us and I have no idea why I chose to continue living like that. I don't understand why I couldn't already broken up with him when I didn't have anymore feelings for him. Now, don't get me wrong, the relationship was dead at this point but both of us kept trying to re-ignite some spark between us but obviously to no avail. I admit, I did a lot of things that I shouldn't have done in that relationship but if I hadn't done it at all, I think all my anger and frustration would have gone towards him instead. He was possibly the nicest out of all the guys I dated but he was incredibly, and I say incredibly manipulative. He gets that way to get what he wants or when he just wants to play the victim. I'm not even entirely sure if he see's it but okay.
I'm a type of person that doesn't hold grudges and a lot of shit went down, I wasn't the only one making mistakes throughout it all. I have mental scars that I have to deal with till this day but I never once really talked about it thoroughly with him, I didn't want that kinda burden. I know what guilt feels like and believe me he made me live with it all the way though the relationship hence why I really couldn't take it anymore and just left when I finally found courage and opportunity.
Now fast forward to this year and guess what? He decides to fuck me up once again, by dating my brother's girlfriend. They say they were both single at this point but bear in mind that my brother, once in awhile has this fights with his girlfriend which usually escalates them into taking small breaks from each other, like longest 2 weeks? But they haven't even broken up for more than a week before she decides to go ahead and date A without saying a word to me or my brother. Like I'm fucking sad at this point because I feel like I wasted time, effort and whatever the fuck I had with her. I don't trust females at all, completely and when she finally appeared and was nice to me I was like holy shit, finally someone I can relate and talk to. But when she gone ahead and done shit like this behind my back, I feel fucking betrayed. Like really, fuck A. I'm just really fucking sad that she'd do that to me. Whatever.
As for R, I've already written too many blog posts about him to seriously give a fuck anymore but whatever he chooses to do with his life you know, let him be. Whatever girl he chooses to destroy next his really his on issue. I'm just disappointed with him. But like the more I think about what Jessica told me I just really giggle. Your words will end up being recycled my dear, and it's fine that you don't understand it but really, it's completely amusing to us and this goes for A as well. Amusing as fuck.
I always thought there were possibilities of ex-boyfriends or girlfriends actually staying in contact just as friends but really, you guys fucked me over too much to even count on that anymore. I rather not have anything to do with you guys at this point. I'd be completely fine if both of you admitted to your mistakes but one thinks it's completely find to just snatch someone's girl and another thinks abuse is a good way to "teach someone a lesson" so really. When either of you decide and finally realize how really dumb you are, you know where I am okay? I'll always end up forgiving, you guys know that but don't think for a second that you'd ever be given a chance to be let in my life again.
Peace.
