17 Men Define The Difference Between 'Caring' and 'Clingy'
http://thoughtcatalog.com/christine-stockton/2016/02/17-men-define-the-difference-between-caring-and-clingy/
“To me, caring is a gesture someone makes to make me feel loved. Clingy is what someone does when they are insecure and need you to prove you like them enough or something.”
I feel like I've been too clingy in my past relationship. I mistake clingy for being caring and I only realized it a few days ago. A little too late I suppose. But at least now I know what mistake not to make the next time I get into a relationship. Oh, I guess my blog doesn't know. I broke up with Ray a couple of weeks ago. Roughly about 3 weeks to be precise. During that period of time I began dating a guy named Shaun but recently stopped it because I realized he was making the same mistakes as I did and only then I realized the difference between caring and being clingy. I've always been telling people how I can't deal with guys being clingy when I myself didn't know the precise meaning.
I recently got used to staying home. My mom still asks me for money time to time but no longer large amounts, just small ones for her to scrape by. Sometimes depression really gets hard for me to deal, from time to time I still want to cry from thinking about that day itself. I'm stuck in the middle, it was the right thing for me to do but yet I regret at the same time. Should I have bared it to stay with him longer? But if I did I wouldn't realize the things I recently did. I want to see him, I really do. I want to be supportive. Like during the period of time I was dating Shaun, he told me how 4.0gpa meant the world to him at the moment. He gets GPAs from like 3.50 to 4.0, fluctuating from different years and semesters of course. He's incredibly talented and I respected his earnest efforts for wanting to get a 4.0 this semester too. Flirty texts were accompanied by support from me asking him to continue his studies and making sure he gets enough sleep for the next day. Making sure he studies, does his presentation and projects and even accompanying him and helping him, I even read his notes with him and continued asking him questions about them even though it isn't beneficial to me at all.
He cares so much for me. There was a day when I got drunk and no one would pick me up and he appeared out of no where even though he had school the next day, he picked me up from the curb of Zouk when I was pissed drunk and lying on the floor. He walked me to the cab and made sure I was okay. He told me that he cares about me and it's okay that my ex doesn't because I had him. He leaned in and kissed me even though I vomited 20 minutes ago. He said I still looked beautiful. He greeted my mom and Wally, he made sure I got into the shower before settling me on my bed. He made sure not to take advantage of me in that state. He gave me a hug, kissed me on my forehead and left.
A few days after that he came over to my house to go jogging with him in the morning. He jogs 5km in 30 minutes (what the fuck, incredibly fast lah). My lungs kept giving out during the run and he made sure that he was pacing the slow me right and making sure I was breathing okay. He's super sweet and that sucks. Despite how sweet he is, I find myself thinking about Ray all the time. Why can't I just move on already? I can't bear delete his pictures from my phone but so easily delete things from Shaun the moment I stopped dating him. Shaun deserves my love but I keep envisioning things to be precisely as how Ray left it. Random moments of us doing our own things, silent conversations during dates while we used our phones and did our own shit while waiting for food to arrive to our tables. I should have went for the walk he wanted that day, maybe he would have talked and told me how he felt. I realized we never talked of our feelings and emotions after each argument or break up. Wrong, very wrong. No wonder we couldn't last. I don't think I'll ever get the chance to talk to him about this anymore. I should give up. He's not coming back for me.
I keep looking at our pictures from before and it still feels so vivid. Nene's, Nandos, Starwars, Playing with Elvis, ZoukOut, Exercise, Malaysia, Poly, Ice Skating, Alaska, ITE, Universal Studios, Movie Nights on the red floor couch, The first stay over and our first night at the hotel. Ah, I'm tearing up again. I should stop here really. I can't keep thinking of you like this, it's not the same anymore even if we get back together. So this is probably the end. Let's hope I make more new memories and forget yours. You shouldn't be my pain Ray. I've never had pain until the end of last year. I was happy despite my depression and what not. I had you and that was all I ever needed. Please just, I hope you were happy too. Because if you are we would finally have something in common again. I hope I'll never come to regret memories with you like I did with Aason. You're better than him, surely. Okay, let's end here. It's already 5:02AM.
Goodnight Blog.